Two syllables: sewage. Two words: my house.
Two words.
Liquefied poop. Blockage. My luck.
My basement. Men came. Men tromped. Slimebugs flew. Men screamed. Hammers pounded. Sewage everywhere. On pants. On shoes. In kitchen. City wrong. Mr. Rooter wrong.
Cleaning, me. And friend.
Made call. "$1200 to $1800." Nope. We'll do.
Tears out. Friend in. Shop Vac in. Sewage out. Vomit, plentiful. Sewage gnats. House, sullied.
Metaphor, yes? Or no?
Done. Ebay? Sell house?
Tears, plentiful. Anger, plentiful. Done in. Done with. Just done.
Liquefied poop. Blockage. My luck.
My basement. Men came. Men tromped. Slimebugs flew. Men screamed. Hammers pounded. Sewage everywhere. On pants. On shoes. In kitchen. City wrong. Mr. Rooter wrong.
Cleaning, me. And friend.
Made call. "$1200 to $1800." Nope. We'll do.
Tears out. Friend in. Shop Vac in. Sewage out. Vomit, plentiful. Sewage gnats. House, sullied.
Metaphor, yes? Or no?
Done. Ebay? Sell house?
Tears, plentiful. Anger, plentiful. Done in. Done with. Just done.
posted by Jenn at 9:54 PM
30 Comments:
This is one case where I'm very glad pictures were NOT provided.
Here's to hoping the shit settles down for awhile and real life can commence!
Oh, my sweet Lord in heaven. I'm just...ew.
Too, too sorry for words. You're one tough cookie to have survived to write about it.
Two words: NOT FAIR!
You are my hero for coping as well as you do with all the crap that keeps happening.
XX
Dear one,
Seriously? I...just....huh?
I think... maybe.... the house is built on an old Indian burial ground. Have Penelope speak to them maybe? Wow...this is not funny..at all..BUT at some point I hope you ran out of tears and just howled at the moon.
Also...my special word to comment..was "batramit" Which I think should be what you say every-time something is beyond belief.
Example...Oh BAT-RAM-IT my basement is full of shit!
Yes?
Respect for your ability to clean up the messes life hands you. For reals.....
Much love Roooooooo
You make a sewage disaster sound so poetic. Duuuuuuude. No one is going to want to borrow your shop vac. That's all I got find for a silver lining. Sorry.
When helpless to assist with an already pervasive sense of helplessness, contribute lame poetry, I always say:
With liquified poop in the kitchen,
Sweet Jenny's about to get bitchin'.
Hire a plumber?
I'll do it! It's funner!
Now why is my whole body itchin'??
My word verification code is "bionort" which sounds oddly appropriate.
"Your problem here, ma'am, is what we plumbers call a bionort. Once those puppies get big enough, they'll block up the whole she-bang." Damned norts.
still think you should try to sell the house as is. a 100+ year old house is so sweet and charming but is a money pit. i fear there will be episode after episode. you are a wonderful, loved person and are not cursed. it is the house and the circumstance. love you!
look for rentals out here. :)
xoxo
Also, you should try the "Oh my God our plumbing's fucked cookie" by Dooce:http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/04_21_2006.html
Holy shit! (couldn't resist)
A move from the figurative to the literal, at least, to breathe (ack! thptt!) new life into tired expressions involving "dealing with your s*#t."
Holy Shit!
Awww Shit!
Shit Happens!
Don't Know Shit!
Eat Shit!
Got Shit to Deal With!
The Shit Hit the Fan!
Getting Your Shit Together!
God bless!
If you are not the poster child for never wondering, "What next?" I don't know who is.
Agree that it may be time to let go of the house. Old homes never stop with these sorts of antics that would send a handyman screaming. I've lurked a while - love your writing - and notice that you've really been holding yourself up through a protracted "dark night of the soul". I am so sorry for that.... Hope the sun begins its ascent soon.
Although rentals and condos often do not have the charm of an old home, someone else is responsible for keeping it held together.
Seriously?! That is so uncalled for. You are certainly being challenged right now. And holding up to it quite well. Amazing.
GODDAMN.
it's not you. it's not your fault. it's nothing you did or didn't do.
love and positive energy floating your way from here....
xoxoxol
Shit, dude. You are one of the strongest people I (don't really but feel like I) know.
Wishing you calmness and a break in the shitstorm.
Hope your tip jar still works at the other site, 'cause I put a little jingle in it. Not enough for your plumbing woes, to be sure, but maybe it'll start a charitable spree.
If not, it'll buy some nice air-fresheners?
Jeeeez. I got away for a while and hope to hear some happy news when I check back. But this? You have endured far too much sh*t (literally and figuratively) for one lifetime, thankyouverymuch. Sending some happy vibes your way...
that is awful!!! i can't believe it.
Oh Jenn, this sucks so bad! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I know there isn't. After what you just went through there is only PTSD in your future. ;) I hope the smell goes away and the pipes work again and you can make this a distant memory.
Maybe that house is trying to tell you something... Shit happens.. much more in an old house than something on the newer side. Some of those old houses are worth more than you'de think to an old home lover (like me!) Perhaps you could put it on the market, see what you can get, and if it's acceptable, you and the girls/dogs/cat can move to something better, smaller if that place is too big!..a place to start fresh..new memories.
No, no metaphors, no hidden meanings... just poop! Just poop and hopefully a story you can laugh about later.
Did Mike Rowe at least show up?
Oh ugh!! That happened in a rental house with roommates and they kept flushing for a full 12 hours believing that the liquid coming out of the basement toilet (last fixture on the line) was due to a poltergeist, not a plumbing blockage! I don't know how or why I did it, but I cleaned all the "debris" (uuuggghhh just remembering 10+ years later) off of not only the floors but also the rough-textured concrete walls BY MYSELF despite the fact I had 3 or 4 housemates. So I know what you, your friend and your shop vac have been through and my hat is off to you.
You know, you may have a claim for damages against the city and/or Mr. Rooter. Also, if you have home insurance, it would very likely pay for the costs of a proper clean up. In fact, your insurer probably has a professional cleaning company on standby, for just these sorts of issues. Sewer backups are quite common insurance claims.
Good luck - you need some!
I think you just wrote the next Billy Joel song.
Maybe the royalties will pay for the plumber?
Love, love, love that I rent. Pipe from kitchen sink to sump pump broken. Nasty milky liquid with bits of food on basement floor. I think the little black flies that have appeared to feast are the same that appear in sewage.
But, I get to call landlord, ah, will be all better when I get home because he not only fixes, he cleans resulting mess. Yeah!
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